We welcomed "Nolan-Baby" in to the world on June 26 (I know, over a month ago now!). Since then, we have been navigating life as a family of four.
Transitioning from Mom of One to Mom of Two has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever been faced with. I often think I can just plow my way through things. If I try hard enough, if I don't rest, if I just suck it up... I was humbled, yet again, at how intense this experience is.
I did bring some background knowledge with me from Round 1 (a.k.a. Marge) that helped in the initial phases;
- how to hold a newborn (including the transfer from one set of arms to the other)
- staying awake...for days (because no baby sleeps in that stupid plastic bassinet)
- digesting hospital food
- 3 a.m. swaddle-ninja moves
- getting dinner down the gullet in the middle of a circus of chaos and confusion
- one arm-ing everything/using my feet as an ape might
Secondary phases such as; re-introducing toddler to your hospital-family-of-three, heading home as a family of four, and creating a new "normal" that works for all members of the family (even the furry one) presented me with a new set of challenges. I found that I was lacking some very necessary skills;
- maneuvering diaper changes with boy parts
- managing my daughter's newfound tyrant-like personality
- accepting how fast 6 years of experience and a Masters degree in applied behavior analysis goes right out the window when you're chasing your two year old down, leaping over furniture, while nursing your newborn and yelling "I said take it OUT of your mouth!"
- cleaning up after my dog who started taking spiteful shits in the road on walks with a toddler in a stroller and a newborn on my chest
- managing the absolute and complete loss of personal space
There were moments of panic, I won't lie. Here are some tactics that helped me cope while I fumbled through skill deficits, shifting identities and lack of sleep.
- texts to my tribe of ladies; sometimes cries for help, sometimes looking for inspiration to stay awake at 3 a.m. and sometimes just looking to justify my crazy
- reading a book called "Toddlers are Assholes". Don't act offended. Just read it.
- FAMILY. Oh man, SO much family. They are my village. And man does it take one.
- Humor. Humor via Snapchat, texts, phone calls, in person (for those brave enough to join their crazy with mine) Understand that this is Type 2 fun. Laugh so you don't cry.
- Mantras. I read a book called "Deep Survival" that was all about what makes a person a survivor. Mantras were frequently recorded as a tactic used while stranded at sea or lost in the wild. They keep you focused and moving froward while blocking out any doubt.
- Mama mantras might sound something like; "I am stronger than a toddler", "this will be funny later", "there will be wine", or for my adventure mamas, "this is the crux, don't bail"
Overall, it's been a big, fat, beautiful mess of learning new ways to love. Nolan-Baby is happy, healthy and settling in. Marge and I have come to an understanding of this new, evolved, mommy-daughter relationship (a.k.a she doesn't hate me anymore). D and I are still standing. "Mom of Two" and "Family of Four" is the new norm and I dig it.
